Solomon said, ‘…they have made me a keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept” (Song of Solomon 1:6).
By Michael Adekoya – Dear Reader, I was deeply saddened when I heard that a certain man I know very well, a true man of God and minister of the Gospel is going through divorce right now. This man is God’s vessel of honour that God has used and still using to touch, impact, affect and bless many lives.
You may ask, “Michael, what happened?” My friend, I will tell you so that you’ll not make the same mistake. He got so busy working for God and raising the budget of the ministry that he had no time for his family and recreation. Listen! None of us, including you and me, is immune to this mistake. Mistake has no respect for genders. So, is satan and his temptation! By nature, I’m personally just like this man – purpose driven and goal oriented. But do you know it is equally good to live a balanced life? How about you?
I thank God for the life of Apostle Paul who said, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). The first part of this verse, which says ‘Husbands love your wife’, is easy for most of us as husbands because we have beautiful, wonderful, accommodating, virtuous, good and caring wives. As men and husbands, it is the second part that we have to work on – “giving ourselves-our time-unselfishly to our own wives and of course to our children” because living is loving and loving is giving. The depth of love is known by the degree of giving. The Bible says, “God so loved the world, that He gave us His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) “Jesus came to give His life as a ransom for many (Matt. 20:28).”That’s demonstration of true love! True love for God or someone involves giving yourself – spirit, soul, body and your time. Your talent (gifts) and your treasury (money) are not enough.
Today, most men and husbands – most secular and Christian leaders – can afford to give their wives and children everything, except themselves. They give flowers, huge amount of money, fleet of cars, state-of-the-art mansions, full loaded wardrobes with latest fashions, modern technology – phones, computers, televisions, Ipads, game consoles, medical facilities and so on. My friend, it is not good enough to give all these things and neglect your own family. Listen! If there is anything that your family needs most, it is your affection and your attention.
What is the point of sending your wife and children to constant holiday while you are not there? If you’re not always there to lead your family; teach and train your children in the ways of the Lord, I’m afraid, TV and internet will help you to train, teach and lead them in the ways of the world.
My friend, the access the devil has to the souls of men and women – saved and unsaved – in this modern world has increased through mass communications media, information technology and mass literatures. In this time and age, there are floods of words and visual images coming out of satan. Our society, through technological advances, has made the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, more accessible (read 1 John 2:16). Satan, the prince of the power of the air, as stated in Ephesians 2:2, has exercised major influences in our information filled and entertainment-oriented world. We need to watch and pray not to fall into his temptation and at the same time we have to be the watchmen of our own family.
Here is the confession to edify you and cause you to change if you are in the habit of neglecting your family. A Christian lady, whose husband was always busy working for God and involved in some businesses, was in the habit of watching sexual perverted Nigerian movies to make up the time for her loneliness since her husband was not always around. She confessed that as she was watching a particular film captioned “Market Sellers”, a spirit came upon her and asked her “why must your husband always neglect you when you have what it takes to get what you want – the affection, attention and pleasure without your husband having to know?” My friend, do you know that this precious lady fell for that satanic voice – the same voice that spoke to Eve in the Garden of Eden? You may laugh, but you are not above temptation either.
Listen! How much of yourself and time do you give to God first and then to your family? If you don’t submit to God by spending time with Him on daily basis, you can’t resist the devil. If you don’t spend time with your family, you’ll give them away to the devil. Solomon said, ‘…they have made me a keeper of vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept” (Song of Solomon 1:6). My friend, are there areas of your life that are not “kept” because you are taking care of everything and everyone else? If you are always on the go, constantly working, constantly pursue contracts or deals, constantly travelling on mission, constantly helping others and never take time for your family, you will end up opening doors for the devil (the thief) whose purpose on earth is to “steal, kill, and destroy” (read John 10:10). It is rewarding to work for God, witness to people, support, help, counsel and care for them but not at the expense and neglect of your family (wife and children) because they are your first congregation or vineyard for whom you’re accountable
The speaker in Song of Solomon 1:6 was good at taking care of everything and everyone else – his relatives, his ministry both on mission and television, his congregation, his jobs, his career, his businesses, his books, his work-mates and his friends both males and females. He made everyone happy, he worked tirelessly, he stayed out late with little or no time at home and no recreation, but in doing that, he neglected his vineyard – his family. My friend, does this describe you? Is this the way you operate? Do you spend all your time and energy on other things and other people but only few on your family and yourself, at least in the presence of God to refill yourself? If not, you will soon burn out when you discover what the devil is capable of doing for those who are not sober, vigilant, watchful and prayerful.
Are you the type of man who gives all sort of material gifts to your wife and then give yourself to other women? You need to change!
Today, many leaders in the home, churches, government market-places are denying their spouses and families quality time. My friend, if this is who you are, then, you have wrong idea. You cannot save, help, enact laws, lift, support or satisfy everyone by yourself, otherwise you will crash. You need to take vacations with your family somewhere just to rest, relax, and seek the face of God and refill. You need the spirit of wisdom to operate. You need the spirit of counsel, the mother of guidance, to guide your thoughts and order steps so you’ll be free from regrets. That church, that ministry, that job, that government, that business will run without you. I know it is difficult for you to accept that but the truth is God is able to keep whatever we commit into His hands. Start spending quality time with your family. Your spouse and kids need you.
Some Pastors have church telephones in their private homes that are ringing all day and night. My friend, if you are one of them, this is a call for you to change today. You are not God! Don’t make yourself as god to the people. Focus their attention to God and not to yourself. Don’t try to save the world at the expense of your family. What’s the point spending all day and night in the church while your wife is having affairs and your children are running wild? God forbid! This is not your portion. The Word never said you are the need-provider. The Word says, “My God shall supply…” (Phil 4:19). You have to turn the people over to God. Yes, you have responsibility to your flock, but Jesus never said anything about holding them in your hands.
My friend, this is a wake-up call to all of us, especially leaders in the secular and spiritual settings. It is a call to bring balance to our lives. Hear me, after God, your family is next. Don’t let anyone deceive or mislead you to ignore or neglect them. There is no reward in saving the world or making lots of money while your family is going into pieces or on their way to hell. What shall it profit a man or woman who do great work, yet lose his or her family? Your husband is the head of your family. Without a head, the body is dead. Your wife is your neck. Without a neck, the head cannot stand. God joined you together to complement and complete each other, spend time and stay together. May God – the God of Abraham and Sarah, Boaz and Ruth – give you the wisdom to build great churches, great companies and great family and bring balance to your life. Remain blessed!
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