“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17).
Dear Reader, Facebook is currently one of the fastest growing social net work. It is a place to keep in contact with family members and friends and its chemistry is simply using social networking to create an on-line community but the question is, “Are ‘on-line’ friends truly friends?” “Who is a friend?”
The Oxford Dictionary defines a friend as “A person or an associate, not a relation, whom one knows and likes well”. Three words caught my attention here – “associate”, “know” and “like”. A friend is an associate – someone you can identify or associate with on all levels without being ashamed. A friend is someone you know. This means a friend is not just a neighbour, a companion or just someone that you are slightly acquainted with or walk with, but someone you really have knowledge of a lot of things about and you can speak or act on their behalf on many issues. Then, someone you really like so much to the extent that if you don’t speak to him/her or you don’t see him/her, you won’t be at rest. The Bible says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17).
A friend is someone you love at all times – someone who knows all your faults and weaknesses and still accepts you just as you are – someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth you need to hear even when it is painful – someone with whom you can be transparent, honest and vulnerable without any fear – someone you can count on in times of crises or trouble – someone that will stand for you and stand by you – someone with whom you share a deep common interest, hopes or worries – someone who is really a God matched. Everybody needs a friend! If you have ever had one, you have been truly blessed. A friend is someone whose smile or laughter is louder than their word. His or her presence is as warming as a wool blanket on a wintry winter night. He or she is all enveloping. A friend is the therapist of the poor man or woman, a family member of the rich and the confidant of the hurting. A friend will always be there for you. He or she cannot be bought, nor can you persuade him or her to love you but it just happens divinely, automatically and unconditionally. It happens at every level of life – from childhood to the aged…it happens in prisons and in offices…in churches or in clubs – people bonding together which cannot be fully explained but must be experienced. Sadly, some people live all their lives and never have a friend. That is the deepest, most engrossing poverty that a man or woman can know. A true and intimate friend will sharpen you to reach your God-given destiny. His or her association with you will add more to you. You can’t get to your destination without him or her. Solomon said, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens one another” (Prov 27:17).
When the prodigal son ran out of money, he immediately ran out of ‘good-time friends’. That’s still the way it works till today. Listen again, Solomon said, “Two are better than one. It is a pity for a man who lacks, who faces trial, who fails or who falls and has no one to help him up” (Eccl 4:9-10). A real friend is someone who lays down his or her life, time, talents, treasury, desires, and needs in order to be there for you. And that is what Jesus Christ did for mankind. He died for us. I wonder how many Pastors can do that for their congregations today. I wonder how many husbands can do that for their wives in this day and age. How many parents can do that for their children today? I really thank God who has given me real friends who is there when everybody disappear. And most importantly, I thank Him for making me a real friend to many in my life and around me. Many people are moving with “good-time friend” without knowing. Good-time friends only tell you what you want to hear. They expressly or impliedly approve everything you do, even when it is leading you to hell. Many people married “enemy within” without knowing and they keep asking why things are so bad? They keep questioning God and asking Him, “Why is my marriage not working?” “Why did You allow me to get into this mess?”
My friend, does this describe you? The problem is not from God but from you because you married an enemy and not a friend. The Bible says, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Prov 18:24) Real friend is known when things are not the same. The great mistake which most people, including Christians and Ministers, make is that we don’t care to find out the spiritual identity of our spouses, suitors, partners or friends. The disciples of Jesus Christ made this same mistake. They did not know Him spiritually, just as most people don’t know the spiritual identity of their leaders in the church or their boss at work. Jesus had to ask them – “But whom do you say I AM” (Luke 9:20). It is always good to find out about yourself, the identity of your fiancé or fiancée before going into courtship or marriage. It is good to know your friend. Even demons know the identity of people. They told the seven sons of Sceva that, “Jesus we know and Paul we know but who are you?” (Acts 19:15).
My friend, who are you? Who is your spouse? Who is your fiancé (cee)? Who is your boss? Who is your Pastor? Who is your friend? Solomon said, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an unfriendly friend (an enemy within) are deceitful” (Prov 27:6). You need somebody who really knows you, likes and loves you enough to confront you when you are on your way to destruction. Such is a real friend. Solomon said, “He that walks with wise men or women will be wise but the companion of fools will be destroyed” (Prov 13:20). As blessing comes by association so also curses. That is why you must be careful with relationships that lessen your hunger for God or weakens your resolve to do the will of God. Apostle Paul said, “No one serving as a soldier will get involved in civilian affairs and yet wants to please his Commanding Officer” (2 Tim 2:4). It is easier to come down than to climb up.
My friend, you don’t need an associate or a friend whose interest is to drag you down each time you are moving up. You don’t need a friend who will betray and sell you at your back just like Judas did to Jesus Christ. You don’t need a friend like Demas who loved the world more than God; and as a result forsook Apostle Paul while Paul was in prison. Even in a perfect world, Adam still couldn’t make it by himself. So, God said, “I will make him a helper (a friend, a companion) suitable for him” (Gen 2:18). My friend, listen! Sometimes the answer we need is not more prayer, or more counseling but just a real and true friend especially one who has fought the same battles we are fighting and won.
You need a spouse who is your friend and confidant, your prayer partner and lover. You need a real and true friend in this day and age and the best way to have one is to be one. Ask God to make you one today! You don’t need lots of people as friends. You just need the right ones. So, ask God to connect you with them today. I trust Him, He will do it! Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I heard from My Father and made known to you in commands” (John 15:14-15). A real friend trusts you, takes to your counsel and respects your judgments. An agreement is also a major characteristic of real friends. It means more than physical agreement in principles, beliefs, morals etc. You need a friend to whom your spirit is connected, united and agreed with. Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together except they agree?” You need a real and true friend who is so connected with God and will not let you go back to your old ways and the best way to have one is to be one. Remain blessed!
